(The woke answer to Matthew 15:21-28 and Mark 7:24-30)
So, I heard this faith-healer was speaking in Tyre, and I went to hear him because of my daughter’s mental health issues. If I’d realised he was Jewish, of course, I’d have been there with my “Death to Zionists” banners rather than thinking about my daughter, who always stays at home for protests because they trigger her. In fact, the only time I took her to one she was arrested for decking a policeman and screaming “Why don’t you arrest my demons instead, Pig?”. That’s where NHS child psychiatry gets you!
Anyway, not realising at the time this healer was a Zionist, I got into conversation with him about my daughter’s issues. And do you know what? He compared me to a dog, which immediately showed he was not only a Jew but a chauvinist pig. So as you can imagine, I stopped listening because I immediately felt in danger of literally dying, so I started screaming like my daughter, and brought the whole meeting to a stop. In fact everyone was screaming at him by then.
Fortunately I was able to find a policeman and tell him I’d been a victim of hate-speech, and they carted this Jesus guy off to the cells overnight, before giving him bail on condition he didn’t come back to Tyre or Sidon. I think he ended up causing more trouble in Decapolis, but that won’t last because I’ve got friends on the District Council there and have told them to cancel him under the Terrorism Act. With a bit of luck they’ll jail him. There’s already enough racism here without Far-Right Zionists coming in from who knows where and victimising women with disinformation.
And when I got home, I found my child had set light to the bed and was worse than ever. Some faith healer.